He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
