come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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