I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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