your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
