you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize