he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
