i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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