i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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