I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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