My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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