you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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