I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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