Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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