The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
