i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize