Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
