Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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