I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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