Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
