I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
honey bunches of taint.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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