i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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