She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
