my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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