oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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