What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
