I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
