Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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