There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
