Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
