You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
