Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
