Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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