not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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