The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize