im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize