did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
