from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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