He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
