plz talk dirty to me
It's Friday. Sex?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
