dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
