Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
