Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize