I just saw a hot homeless man
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
