Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize