Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
