So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
