Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
