No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
