Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just had sex bonerless
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
