I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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