Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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