i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
