That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
