You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
