So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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