don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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