a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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