I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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