And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
