I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is Oprah even human
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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