Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
