Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
