Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
