I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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